So I joined the rest of civilization recently and finally got an iPhone. I really didn’t want to. I held on to my Blackberry for as long as I humanly could until one fateful night, the eve of my best friend’s birthday, I tried to send her a text at midnight (3 hour time difference otherwise I would have called) and my stupid Blackberry was frozen. The problem with a Blackberry being frozen on a screen is that you don’t know how long it could be frozen for. You can take your chances and wait it out, it could be 10 seconds or 10 minutes. The only other option is to pull out the battery and reboot everything. This definitely takes 10 entire minutes.So at that moment I decided I was no longer going to let my stupid Blackberry make me the asshole that texted their best friend 10 minutes after their birthday. Luckily she was on gchat and it all evened itself out. I got a new iPhone the next day and for the next 6 months I’ll complain about how much I miss my keyboard.
Anyways, with the new iPhone I tried to play around and do a voice greeting on my voicemail for the first time since I’ve ever had a phone or pager, ever. That lasted all of 3 seconds until I actually heard the sound of my own voice and almost puked in my mouth. I hate my voice. It’s the most annoying thing ever. In my head the sound of my voice is like the British woman from a few years back that was kinda old and wasn’t so pretty but won one of those British idol shows (seriously, how many talent shows can England have?) because her singing voice was so absolutely amazing it made you want to cry. In reality, my voice sounds like Lindsay Lohan’s after a 3 week bender combined with nails on a chalkboard and throwing forks in the garbage disposal.
So the more I thought about my voice the more I cringed. In the past in social situations I have not been a wallflower. Nobody would use the words “shy” or “quiet” to describe me. In fact, it’s more like “outspoken,” “assertive,” even “LOUD.” Self loathing reached an all time high as I re-lived every embarrassment that I could remember but a bit of relief was felt as I thought about how most of these situations involved me being under the influence. I haven’t drank much in about 2 years. I’ve drank barely anything actually. So I figure if someone is going to judge me based on an impression they got as far back as two years ago then I just can’t let it bother me.
What the hell does any of this have to do with style? Well, any Coco Chanel or Marilyn Monroe or Audrey Hepburn quote in glittery pink letters you can find on tumblr will tell you that the counterpart of style is GRACE. It doesn’t matter how expensive of an outfit you have on, classy in appearance, well pulled together you are.. Being the loud, obnoxious, attention drawing girl in the room is not graceful. Over consuming alcohol (or anything for that matter) and acting out in public is not graceful. Reveling in how wasted you’re getting or how hard you partied is not graceful, it’s tacky. And now matter how nice you are, how good your heart is, and what your intentions are or were, it will give you a reputation. And I know this because I learned all of this the hard way, as usual.
Well then what do I think being graceful is constituted of? It’s seems very simple but it’s amazing how many people lack some of these common skills. I was one of these people myself so there’s no hypocrisy here. Just sharing some of my newly applied knowledge. Being graceful is a constant work in progress. I didn’t automatically become Kate Middleton overnight. Neither did Kate Middleton for that matter. The most important thing is to be mindful of your outward appearance, words and actions. And don’t forget to smile!
Manners: Being appreciative no matter how small the gesture. Saying please, thank you, no thank you, if asked how one is doing responding and then asking in kind with “how are you?” Apologizing when necessary and even sometimes when felt it is unnecessary because a graceful person knows when to pick their battles and doesn’t always NEED to be right. I’m not saying this means everyone needs to be best friends, but being cordial and respectful goes a long way. So does biting your tongue. If someone goes out of their way to give you a ride, pick something up for you, or any other sort of favor then offer monetary compensation. Buy them a drink. Send a thank you note. Acknowledge your gratitude for their thoughtfulness and kind actions.
Pulling it together: If you’ve ever been to Vegas and walked around a casino around 4AM you may have witnessed and interesting phenomena.. barefoot girls in public. It’s unsanitary, embarrassing, and just a bad look all around. Part of being graceful to me is having a certain degree of class. Before you leave the house make sure the shoes you’re wearing are comfortable and that you can handle 4-6 hours in them, pull in any loose straps, make sure tags are tucked in or removed if they’re testy, make sure your manicure is un-chipped and if you’re wearing shoes that show your toes for God’s sake please have clean feet and neat polish. If you’re wearing a short dress or skirt throw on a pair of boy shorts underneath (Britney!). Bring a small pocketbook with adequate room for a compact and gloss to touch up if need be.I can’t even count the amount of times I’ve thought I’ve looked amazing going out and then the next day tagged photos have ended up on Facebook and I look like a drippy eyed, wild haired raccoon. Well the wild haired is usually on purpose, but you understand what I’m aiming for here. Limiting alcohol consumption is an amazingly easy way to avoid those embarrassing “cringe” moments.
Be poised: Here’s an example, if you’re at a group dinner don’t be the first girl to dive head first in to the edamame bowl. If you’re at an open bar event don’t drink alcohol like you’ve never had a drink in your life, if an interested gentleman happens to approach you don’t automatically offer your life story. The quieter girls, the ones that are a bit more held back, have a certain aura of mystery around them. When you stay poised and don’t put everything out on the table immediately, it makes people want to get to know you better. It takes longer for them to form judgements about you. And it gives you more opportunity to shine your true colors through. Less is always more. I’ve been places I’ve absolutely hated before around people I could care less about. I’ve learned that making a scene or drawing attention to what’s going on ruins the situation for everyone. That’s all anyone will remember the next day and for the rest of all eternity. Try not to have a high maintenance personality and make your issues everyone else’s problems. If you’re around people you may not necessarily care for, don’t let your outward appearance or words reflect this. Suck it up and wait it out. Ask yourself, “in 2 years will this matter?” if the answer is no then imagine yourself shoe shopping, choose your words carefully and throw on a smile.
Be someone you would want as a friend: Well, duh, right? Bring something to the table!
Don’ts – Be a “user” who doesn’t reciprocate. Blow things off because something better came up. Disregard people whom you don’t see as “important” unless you need them for something. Criticize people and masking it as being a good friend or as a joke. Talk about people behind their backs and then associate yourself with them as though you never did.
Do’s – Be loyal and dependable, have integrity, be honest, positive, willing to compromise, un-hypocritial, uplifting in nature, and make sure communication is a two way street.
Remember that who you hang out with says a lot about you. If your friends are total shit heads it can be assumed that you are too. There’s nothing wrong with distancing yourself from someone to improve your own quality of life. I’m sure it’s been done to me when I was a total mess and I’ve done it to people too. It’s great to be a “good friend” but the end of the day you have to do what’s best for you and only you.
Tags: audrey hepburn, big poppa, blackberry, britney, britney spears, class, classy, coco chanel, elegant, fabulous, friendship, grace, inspiration, iphone, lindsay, lindsay lohan, lohan, manners, marilyn monroe, motivation, notorious BIG, poise, respect, spears, tumblr
